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Her soft smile, forever constant, was the one thing that transcended all the years we’ve known one another and saved the one memory that returned me to the day we first met. I’ll never forget the first time she flashed me that smile, when we were at the county fair and then again, when alone in her barn. ‘I’m the one? What do you mean by that, Becky? How do you know I’m the one you’ve been waiting for all your life?’ Too soon in our relationship, if there was to be a relationship, to understand how she could feel that I’m the one for her, when I didn’t see her as the one for me. I just wanted to get laid. When I still had a long line of women that I wanted to bed, it was unsettling for me to hear a woman I barely knew say that I was the one. She turned my head right away alright, but I thought she was crazy. Perhaps wanting to get away from her life on the farm and use me to move to the big city, I thought she was just trying to entrap me with sex and hold me down with love. Only,. Weargued the point for a while before we came to understand each other.Since I had not made any transition efforts to that point, I felt itwould be too much of a shock to change the sex of my genitals and changegenders all at once. I argued that there was much more to being a womanthan just having a vagina between your legs. The therapist argued that I might change my mind after I recovered fromthe surgery and would decide that I would have been happier remaining asa male but would be stuck with female genitals. I countered that would bea possibility but either way, I was going to lose my male parts and thatby having the surgery first and then gradually easing into thetransition, it would give me a chance to learn about my new parts the wayyoung girls learn of theirs. As children, girls have a chance to learnabout their bodies before they begin to associate their vaginas with sex.This time would also give me a chance to take care of my facial hair andlearn all about being female,.
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